5 Months Old

I usually title this post "Happy _ Months Olds" but I just can't do it this time because really that is not much happy except for he is still here which I am so grateful for, but today I am very emotional. I am struggling being here and wondering why all this has happened. It still seems like a bad dream to me. 2 weeks ago my baby boy was completely fine & now look at him. I don't know from minute to minute how much longer I'll have him.
5 Months ago today our perfect little prince entered the world, and ironically I am in the same place feeling a lot of the same feelings today that I felt the day he was born.... Feelings of fear, thankfulness, hope, exhaustion, and A LOT of unknown. There is still a lot of things that are unknown but one thing I know for sure is I'm so grateful this sweet baby chose me as his mommy. Even though it has been the scariest time of my life I have been able to soak up every second with my little man whether it was holding his hand in a hospital bed, rocking him to sleep, playing, or watching him light up with his sweet smile when I talk to him. Whether I have this boy for 5 months or 5 years on earth I will be forever grateful for these precious moments, laughs, cries, and lessons he has taught me. He truly is my hero!
I can't help but cry knowing everything we have worked so hard at these past few months is out the window, and we will be starting fresh. He was doing so well and learning so many new things every day. He was getting so strong, and now he can't even remember how to suck :[ My heart aches but I will choose to focus on the positive and write down the things he was doing before all this happened. I pray that we can get back to that spot someday soon. He was:
-pushing up on his stomach & lifting his head

-giggled for the first time this past month
- holding toys & reaching for things
- finally in size 1 diapers
- loved being outside
- wearing some of his 0-3 month clothes
- loving his momma more than ever
- very interactive with his big sis
- still has the cutest smile in the whole world
- rolling over from his back to belly

And even after all that he has accomplished more in the past 2 weeks than most do in a lifetime. He has continue to beat every odd. He has continued to fight. He has continued to teach everyone of us some of life's most valuable lessons. I love you Tytan and am so proud of you. Happy 5 months little man!