Torture @ 3 AM

My body is still trained to wake up every night @ 3 AM to feed my baby, but instead of waking up to this sweet face I wake up to reality & realize my arms are empty. I miss him. I miss his smell. I miss his soft skin. I miss his smile. I miss the sounds of annoying alarms all night. I miss tripping over o2 cords. I miss morning meds & weight check. I miss weekly doctor appointments. I even miss cuddles in the hospital. I MISS IT ALL!! I miss the journey I was once so scared to travel & now that it's all gone I would do it over & over all my life just to have my baby boy in my arms again! Then I picture my baby boy whole, healthy, & happy in Heaven and I realize I have to find the strength to wake up one more day with a smile on my face. Not for me, but for HIM! He deserves this celestial glory he has now. He's absolutely perfect now enjoying celestial glory & as much as my heart aches that thought alone makes it happy for a short moment!